The Family Bed

Hi People,

Okay so my wife told me this wonderful story about how her coworker described sleeping with her baby daughter. I will paraphrase of course. Coworker said that she started to sleep with her daughter as an infant. She would hold her close and enjoy her warmth and gentle breathing as they both fell asleep. Then a few years later her daughter would sleep with her but only holding hands while they fell asleep. Shortly there after her daughter would only let her mother touch her fingers while they fell asleep. Then the daughter moved into her own bed and the coworker cried because she misses her. *Sigh*


Okay, so this is a touching story although overly romanticized. I too love my children and want to be with them as often as I can. When I was separated from my first wife my 3 kids would sleep in my California King Sized bed with me. (I know this is very controversial to many parents and child psychologists.)We would watch Veggie Tales, read to each other , pray and then fall asleep. They were small and I was smaller back then as well. Still there was territorial issues with my two boys as to who would sleep in the middle. I solved it by me always sleeping in the middle. My daughter was the oldest so she fell asleep at the foot of the bed. Eventually,after being kicked by her brothers for a while she moved to her own bed.Then we had to make room for my new wife. I have to admit that there were some advantages of having my wife sleep with me rather than the boys. Like, she didn't kick or pee the bed. Still I missed the boys and read to them in there room every night, falling asleep on the floor many nights. So, there I was not sleeping in my bed, the boys in their own and my wife in our own. Hmmm..is this what they mean by the 'family bed'? (Dad sleeps on the floor?) 


Oh well skipping 10 years down the road and the boys and my daughter are teens and have no recollection of having ever slept in my bed. They deny it ever took place. So, how did it work to bring my family closer? I don't know. Yet is seemed right at the time and now we are doing it again with a 3 yo. I don't know how long it will last because he kicks harder than I remember any of my other three. Also, let's face it who is going to remember it anyway? I will be old and forgetful before it comes around and my kids  are sleeping in their beds with my grandkids. Of course they will be doing what they feel is right too.

How to move on?

I have been considering and making strides to move back into the work force. What that means is that I am being forced to go back to work. Not by my wife but by financial pressure and the need to complete my degree before I die. I have loved being at home with my kids and i didn't even know it. I admit that at times I wished that I was anywhere but here. My wife has voiced the same opinion. I thought she was joking. Maybe that was a hint. I don't know because I turn a blind eye and deaf ear to that sort of sarcasm. I am also so socially inept at this point, from lack of adult conversation,that I do not recognize sarcasm. Do you think she was serious??? hmmmmmm....

Anyway, I know that I wasn't born to be a SAHD for my entire life. Most times I felt as inept as a one legged man in a ass kicking contest.I mean I felt like I just didn't possess the necessary attributes for good parenting and nurturing of my offspring. Who does; Super Nanny? Sorry but Joe Joe doesn't even have kids of her own. So, how can I put any stock in that. I mean as a kid I watched the Brady  Bunch and thought that was the way it was supposed to be. Kids come together from two different sperm donors and make a happy family. They did have a maid and Mrs. Brady didn't have a job. Mr. Brady was secretly gay and Mrs. Brady was hitting on Greg during the Hawaian episode. Dang even my childhood idealism is being crushed. Where have all the heroes gone? I think they went back to work and put their kids in childcare for 14 hour and $100 a day. I hope I am not headed that way. It really does make my heart ache to think about leaving.

Sigh !!!